Remembering
by funnyhowthatis
Summary: Exploring a way HG and Myka might remember all of the events of the season 3 finale. Spoilers for the season 3 finale, and also 4x01.
1. A Shovel

**I, like many others, am very glad HG is back. However, I think it would be nice if Myka (and HG for that matter) could know of the ultimate sacrifice HG made. So I decided to try my hand at at. Comments and criticism are welcomed and appreciated. **

**Nothing belongs to me. Not the warehouse, not the characters in it.**

* * *

The aisles of the warehouse seemed oddly quiet, as if waiting for something. As if even the artifacts, even the shelves that held them, even the very walls of the warehouse, were watching them. Expecting something. Listening for the first word.

So much had been said, so much had happened. In the forest. That chess game. They had saved the warehouse, and in the process had been laid bare. Exposed. And now were unsure.

Trying to keep busy, trying to talk fast about facts and figures and plans and theories and anything but what they felt.

This morning Artie and Pete had left.

Myka had protested. "I'm coming! You can't honestly think that I would let you look for Claudia without me – she's my friend, she's my_ family_, too!"

But Artie had stood his ground. "You – the two of you – are staying here. I need someone to shelve some new artifacts and…" He looked from one woman to the other. They stood close, but avoided each other's eyes. How he wished they knew. How he wished they could appreciate what had happened. He wanted to grab them by the shoulders and shake them. _You are both safe. You are both here. Myka, if you knew what I knew you wouldn't waste any more time. You would show HG just how much_ – "…and I need two strong agents back here in case Claudia comes back and isn't…herself."

"That's ridiculous, we'd be more useful-" "You can't honestly think we're helping by just sitting here _waiting_ for something that might not even-" "We're agents, not housesitters. We're coming and we're-"

"That's enough. You are both staying here." He paused. He had their attention. Mind as well – "And if I remember correctly, Agent Wells has recently spent a lot of time trapped in a black ball as a holograph, so you probably have a lot of catching up to do."

A look of sorrow passed over his face as his eyes saw HG standing there in adamant opposition to him while in his mind he saw HG being carried away by flames, focused in her last few moments only on Myka.

With that he left them, telling them that he and Pete might not be back by that evening.

And so the day had begun, and continued, with talk of artifacts and worries about Claudia. Whenever their eyes met, they froze, asking each other silently _Is it okay now? Can we…_ but neither knowing the answer.

They had only one more artifact to catalog. Myka reached out to pick it up, then stopped. She took off her gloves and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Helena."

She looked up from her clipboard. "Yes?" _Please let her love me please have her tell me that_

"I've been thinking a lot about the forest. About saying goodbye."

"I've thought a lot about it, too."

They stared into each other, knowing, feeling, how the other felt, but somehow the words were getting caught, getting trapped somewhere.

Myka's eyes began to fill with tears, and all she managed to say was a very quiet "I'm glad you're still here."

HG's eyes glistened and she nodded. "Me, too." Then, to lighten the mood, "And this time, fully corporeal."

Myka laughed and reached for the artifact, still focused on HG. Trying to pick it up, she found that she could not until HG's hand joined hers on the hard metal pole of an old shovel. Together they lifted it and brought it to its new place on the shelf, the clipboard tucked under HG's arm, purple gloves forgotten.

HG read from the clipboard. "A Female Stranger's Shovel. Used to bury a woman whose identity was kept a secret, even after her death. It is still unknown who she was or why she kept her identity a secret."

"Why do you think it was so heavy?"

"Probably full of secrets," HG responded in a stage whisper, her eyes twinkling, Myka's stomach fluttering.

They smiled at one another, lost in each other, but growing tired. It had been a long few days.

As the two women walked off, the new plaque switched on, blinking in red letters _Unearths secrets. Activated by touch._

* * *

**Fun fact: The female stranger is a real thing. Google something along the lines of "female stranger grave" if you're curious and want to know more about it.**


	2. A Dream

**Thank you all so much for the reviews and favorites and follows. It means a lot to me.**

**Here is the next part. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Again, I'd love to hear what you think about it.**

**And yet again, Warehouse 13 is not my thing, it is the thing of Jack Kenny and Syfy and other people.**

* * *

They didn't know why, but they were too tired for dinner, too tired to notice Leena's red-rimmed eyes or answer her questions, too tired to even register her voice in their ears. Their sleepy feet carried their bodies up the stairs, and too tired to even offer each other a good night, they drifted into separate rooms and fell onto separate beds, falling into a deep sleep that only an artifact could produce. And together, they shared a dream.

That night, they tossed and they turned and they learned what had been before, but not.

Myka dreamt

_HG dreamt_

of tight ropes she remembered

_so tight, too tight, so close_

but not close enough

_and then freedom from bristling fibers_

freedom from the one person she wished to be enslaved to

_and there was running_

and victory

_and an embrace from Pete_

and the knowledge that she was hers, regardless of whose arms she was in

_and then red lights_

still flashing

_more danger_

there was a bomb

_and a timer_

counting down

_so she hurried her brain to think_

and she stood with her team

_and she found an anomaly_

and that was it, it was over

_and yes it would work, she would save the warehouse_

it was all over

_she would save Myka_

what has she done she's not with me why would she let herself disappear why would she leave me why would she sacrifice herself when all I want is to be with her to have her to hold her why would she how could she

_"I smell apples"_

she took in the image of Helena, the memory of her standing there, in love and alive

_and then HG was gone_

and she closed her eyes when the flames came

_HG was gone_

when the death came

_HG was gone_

and she opened her eyes to a world full of dead things and destroyed things, to a world where her home was gone

_HG was gone_

and her dear Helena, whom she wanted, whom she needed in her life, was gone

_HG was gone_

and dead feet went back to Leena's where Mrs. Frederic was gone and the world had lost hope and all there was was the watch but who knew what that did

_HG was gone_

and Claudia had stopped caring because "Who cares? Mrs. Frederic is dead. Steve is dead. **HG is dead."**

_HG was gone_

"I know. I watched her die.

_HG was gone_

But everyday people die. Sometimes it's people we care about and sometimes it's even people that we love.

_HG was gone_

We just need to make sure that we're not being selfish."

_HG was gone_

and so they solved the puzzles, bit by bit, and Pete made jokes because what else could he do and Claudia helped but stayed dead inside and they went to France

_HG was gone_

and they went to Italy

_but HG was still gone_

and Myka shattered glass and broke laws

_because HG was still gone_

and she fought and she was overcome and pushed into a police car by men with clubs

_because Helena was gone._

Then they saw the underbelly of the Vatican and men in black robes and they saw Pete bleed too much and breathe too little. And then they saw Artie lift their last hope and they saw him use it and they saw the world return. They saw their world come back to them, but changed.

A sharp intake of air, eyes flying opening, and they both awoke.

Myka sobbing uncontrollably because all she could see was HG being engulfed by flames and all she could hear was "I smell apples."

HG lying frozen, unmoving, eyes wet but not crying, body screaming but not making a sound, because she had died sometime somewhere. She had been gone.


	3. A Question

**Thank you for your reviews, favorites, and follows. They all mean a lot to me. I'm sorry for taking a while with this one.**

**(also of course Warehouse 13 and these characters continue to not belong to me)**

* * *

_Was it real?_

Myka sat up, looking around frantically as if the walls or a piece of furniture would betray the truth. After wiping her eyes she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, trying to slow her racing heart.

It was just a dream, it was just a dream, it was just a dream –

And just like that she was up and running to HG's room because it didn't matter if it was just a dream, she had to make sure HG was still there.

"Oh, Helena." It didn't come from her mouth, not even from her lungs. "Oh, Helena." It came from her heart. It was pumped into her blood and then circulated throughout her body. Her body spoke: "Oh, Helena."

She had stopped in the threshold, holding onto the door frame as she saw HG lying on the bed, unmoving. She could see HG's eyes glistening from where she stood. The faint sound of a shaky intake of breath from HG was all it took to pull Myka into the room. Cautiously she joined her on the bed, next to her, leaning over her slightly. She cupped her cheek, the touch sparking movement. HG turned her head abruptly to face Myka, and Myka saw it.

Fear.

And Myka knew in that moment that HG had seen it too. She had seen their world explode. She had seen – no, she had _been _gone.

"Helena, it's okay. Everything's okay now." She traced her thumb lightly over HG's cheekbone. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Please," she whispered. "It's okay, you're alive, I'm alive. Helena, just-"

"You saw it, too?" The fear was pushed away by the gears in her mind clicking into place. She sat up quickly, Myka following suit, letting her hand fall to the bed. HG ran her hands through her hair and shook herself of her nighttime terrors. "If you saw it too…"

"Do you think it was real?"

HG's eyes drifted away from Myka's as she thought. It hadn't felt like a dream. When she thought back to what she had dreamed, she remembered the events as if they had truly happened. She _remembered_ how it had felt to die. But more than anything she remembered looking into Myka's eyes and letting that be enough. No, not letting it be enough. It _had_ been enough. Saving Myka, being held in the warmth of her gaze – it had been enough. It had been enough to fill the void Christina's death and her time in bronze had carved into her. It had given her enough strength to face death, to face not being. Myka's care, Myka's _love, _would carry her safely into the unknown, of that she had been sure.

"Helena – Helena, do you think it was-"

"How can it not be?" HG looked back into Myka's eyes. "I felt it. I still – I still feel it, Myka."

Tears came to Myka's eyes. "Dying?"

She said it. She had said the word, a terrible word. The word shattered the air, it broke Myka's heart and the floodgate that kept her tears away. She was crying, not just letting one tear drop tragically down her cheek, instead succumbing to a flood of tears that would not cease. Face red. Nose running. She laughed slightly, still crying, "I can't stop, I'm sorry, I can't-"

"Shh." It was HG's turn to comfort. She pulled Myka into herself, embracing her so tightly that no alternate reality or terrible dream could pull them apart. Myka's legs rested over HG's as she buried her face in sleek, dark hair. HG held Myka's head with one hand and held her back with the other. "I'm here. Myka," and her voice began to shake. "Myka, I'm still here. I didn't leave you. I'm not – I didn't – I'm not…I'm not dead." That word again.

"You were. Yes, Helena, you were. You're not the only one who can still feel it."

They held each other, pressing one heart onto the other, so tightly that not even the air could come between them. And together they felt and they remembered.

* * *

Gradually their grip loosened and Myka pulled her hands back to wipe away the footsteps of tears from her face. HG smiled sweetly and brought her hands to rest on Myka's waist.

"What do we do now?" she asked.

"We need to talk to Artie. We need to ask him what's going on, he'll know."

"But he's with Pete, trying to find Claudia."

"Maybe Leena knows something, maybe there's something in the warehouse that will tell us what happened, if it really did happen, or we could-"

Myka had stood up and was now pacing in front of HG, who for perhaps the first time did not feel that the most pressing matter at hand was finding out the truth.

"Myka-"

"-we could, we could even ask Mrs. Frederic, if she pops up, because she knows everything, right? Right?"

"Myka-"

"What? Don't you want to know what's going on? Don't you want to know what made us see what we saw? Don't you want hard proof that it happened? Or that it didn't?" _Don't you want to make sure that you're really here? That you're not actually gone, that we're not actually here, together, on borrowed time? That you won't leave me like that again?_

"Yes, of course I do."

"Okay, let's go. Let's see what Leena knows. Let's-"

"Myka, wait." Myka, about to leave the room, turned around to see HG standing up from the bed.

"What?"

"I want to say something."

Myka softened, putting her need for answers away to allow HG time to speak.

"I've never really said it before, and neither have you for that matter. I think we've always just let it be an understanding between us that didn't need to be named or even directly addressed."

Myka's heart began to race. _She's going to say it she's going to say it she's going to say it she's going to_

"But after that dream, or maybe it wasn't really a dream, but after seeing that, after living that, I'm not going to take this for granted anymore. I'm not going to take you for granted anymore, Myka. I'm not going to take our time together for granted. I don't want to wait until it's too late. So, before we search the warehouse, before we see what Leena knows, I want you to know – I really can't believe I'm actually saying this. Finally saying this, but-"

_Please say it, Helena, please, before I –_

"Myka, I love you. I'm in love with you. Maybe from the first time I saw you. And I know there's something between us, even though we've never really-"

_- can't keep myself from kissing you any longer._

Myka cut off HG's words with her gentle touch, the space between them erased as if they had never been more than an inch apart.

It felt right, it felt natural. They fit together easily, perfectly, as Myka held HG in a long, deep kiss. "I never want to lose you again. I love you, Helena. I love you so much."

HG brushed a stray curl away from Myka's face and kissed her.

They traded light kisses, smiling through them, unable to contain their joy and excitement for this intimacy. Resting their foreheads together, they shared a breath and a heartbeat.

After a long moment, HG broke this tender silence. "Well. I believe we still need some questions answered, don't we?"

"Yes. Yes we do."

They pulled apart reluctantly, and Myka led the way out of HG's room. Before going down the stairs, she looked over her shoulder, meeting HG's eyes.

"Thank you, Helena. For everything."

HG nodded, understanding the depth of Myka's thanks and unable to find the words to respond. Myka nodded slightly in return. They understood each other.

Myka turned back to the stairs, and together they went down to find Leena, to find the answers to their questions, each still feeling the other on their lips and in their hearts.

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**This is the first time I've written a scene like this, so please tell me how I did. I'd love to hear your thoughts or advice or anything.**


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